Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Guess who's back!

After much time away (and a loss of my domain name), I am back!  I am so excited to start up this blog again.  I haven't written anything in a really long time and I had forgotten how great it feels to open up the gates and release words to the universe.  I have nothing planned, but I couldn't contain my excitement to publish something again!

The biggest news is that baby "BJ" made her arrival!  Ava Grace Johnson was born on January, 28, 2013 weighing 6lbs 6oz and 19.5 inches long.  She has completely changed my life and changed me as a person.  I am loving the challenges of learning to be mommy and still yearning for a night of uninterrupted sleep!  This has been the most challenging, loving, stressful, blissful, blessed, exhausting, fun, and amazing year of my life and I can't wait to share my journey with the world again.  Here we go!!


Monday, October 15, 2012

Hit by inspiration

And just like that inspiration has hit.....stay tuned.

It always amazes me where inspiration and creativity are born, because often they find their birth in an everday, normal situation. 

I was introduced to a new author by a dear friend, and it has inspired me to document my pregnancy journey.  The book is called "Operating Instructions" and the author is Anne Lamont.  You should refer this book to any new mom as an alternative view on the Babies R Us, Gerber, Fischer Price visions of motherhood that the media pressures us all with.  Her writing style is raw and honest and I am enjoying her courage to say the things that most of us feel, but shy away from expressing. 

Due to my new inspiration I may or may not be using this blog to create my new piece.  If I do, the blog will most likely become private as I'm not sure I'm ready to share the most honest pieces of myself to the unknown, anonymous public.  I'll keep you posted....

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

September, a time of transition

There have been a lot of changes in my life over the past few weeks and the combination of good and bad has me feeling a little overwhelmed during this season of transition.  The weather has been…smoky…in Wenatchee.  Not our typical crisp morning, warm afternoon, and crisp evening that I love so much about Eastern Washington Septembers.  Nope, we’ve been socked in with smoke from several surrounding wildfires and I find myself going a little cabin crazy.  We have to limit our time outdoors which is tough because this is my favorite time of year to spend outside.  Cross your fingers for some rain….

My emotional transitions associated with my pregnancy seem to be tied directly to my physical transitions.  I find myself stuck between excitement that the fact that I’m expecting a baby is more and more obvious to the public and the wonder/nervousness/WTH associated with the fact that some of my clothes don’t fit very well is supposed to be a good thing.  I think little BJ decided to stretch out last night because all of sudden I looked VERY pregnant which was VERY unsettling.  It’s an amazing and incredible thing to experience.

 I had lunch with a friend that I hadn’t seen for awhile today and it left me feeling a little nostalgic as I realized that gone are my crazy days of living off my own schedule and satisfying one agenda – mine – that those times are quickly fading into memories in the rear view mirror.  I’m ready for this next chapter, but definitely represents a transition from living for just Mark and I  to living for Mark and I and BJ. 

 I feel the constant need and desire to downsize my life fighting against my inner drive and desire for success on all fronts (work, home, family, personal, etc).  I’ve talked before about a longing to return to my roots.  To slow down my life and spend it on a front porch with a tall glass of lemonade.  Too often though I still find myself running up the mountain (figuratively of course) looking for what’s over the next ridge.  My pursuit of balance is still very much an active one.  I thought pregnancy would slow me down, but it just seems to have sped me up.

 Finally, the biggest transition of the season.  My grandmother died unexpectedly at age 76 on Sunday.  Thankfully my mom was able to make it to her bedside in Minnesota before she passed away.  Her passing has struck me particularly poignantly.  We moved from Minnesota when I was 9 so I spent most of my life growing up outside the physical reach of my grandparents.  I still remember my grandmother meeting my school bus everyday when I lived in Minnesota though.  I still remember the trips she took to Washington to see us – she was there when I made the dance team, when I graduated high school, when I married the love of my life and my best friend.  And I just assumed she would be there for those next big moments too  the birth or christening of my child, Kevin’s wedding, Garret’s first birthday, etc. I didn’t have the traditional relationship with my grandmother or the relationship some of my cousins had, but it doesn’t mean she was any less important to me.  Doesn’t mean her loss doesn’t affect me any less.  I knew that I would have a different relationship with my grandmother because 1800 miles separated us.  I knew that she cared about my life and was excited to hear what was going on.  I know she talked to mom about my brothers and I frequently and kept up to date with what we were doing. 

 Her funeral is Thursday and like so many other funerals in the past year, I won’t be able to attend.  Work, life, and finances are in the way.  It’s tough because I would like to be there to support my mom, the rest of my family, and to say goodbye in person.  I know that not attending the funeral doesn’t diminish the loss I feel or the memories I have of my grandmother.  Like in times of good I have to learn to say goodbye from a distance - to allow my soul to connect and to know that love traverses where the human body cannot.  I hope she knows that even from a far she made a difference in my life.  That I felt a grandmother’s love even when I couldn’t feel her arms.  That part of who I am today is because of who she was.  I hope she knows that her life mattered to me and that she will be missed and never replaced.  I will carry my grandmother in my heart with those others that have left us before we were ready.  I will let her fly on angel wings and know that even though she’s gone to a better place, I still carry part of her with me. 

 I love you “Grandma Green” – you will be forever remembered.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Baby Johnson (also known as BJ)

We got to see our first good glimpse of Baby Johnson today and it was pretty cool.  BJ (as I am now going to call him/her) has 2 feet, 2 legs, 2 hands, a perfectly circular head, a spine, a heart with 4 valves, and a heart rate of 143.  That's about all I can tell you.  This little nugget was pretty stubborn about turning over for the ultrasound tech, but seems to prefer having a hand up near the mouth and the legs crossed with the feet tucked up under (sounds like me). 
Hopefully the doc has good things to say next week when we go over the results. 
This just got pretty real, folks.  Full blown love and excitement has commenced.