Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Searching for Me

Have you ever wondered if you’ve grown into the version of yourself that you were meant to?  Wondered if you’ve taken the right forks in the road and lived up to your own potential?  Ever felt that you’ve lost part of yourself in the journey? 

I have.  I sometimes ask myself all of these questions and more.  That may sound like a terrible thing to some of you, but I can say that by asking those questions, I’ve learned that I am happy with who I am, who I’ve been, and who I’m yet to become. 

I’m not done growing yet, and I’m glad for that.  I hope to grow and discover more and more of myself for my entire life.  To look back at previous versions of myself and smile, knowing the “me” of today is a much wiser, inspired, grounded, loving person than the “old me”.  To know that who I am today isn’t who I’m stuck with tomorrow.

When my grown-up life gets a little dull and routine I often find myself looking back on the past with more than a little wistfulness and nostalgia.  These are the times I am eternally grateful that I’ve kept a journal for a good portion of my life.  When boredom or loneliness find me yearning for that carefree girl that wanted to set the world on fire, I peel back the lenses of selective memory and remind myself that the carefree girl I was romanticizing was not perfect and in fact, didn’t really exist.  She was a flurry of contrasting emotions striving to find herself in a world of possibilities.  She was passionate, dramatic, fearless, terrified, carefree, worried, smart, funny, loving, lonely, and more.  As crazy as she was, I love that girl, and am eternally grateful that she’s grown up.  The woman that grew from that girl is a much happier, rounder, loving, and courageous person.  She knows more about who she is and who she can be.

Revisiting that girl makes me happy to know that I would never trade places with her.  That I am a profoundly better person, not a different person, just a better version of myself.  Knowing those experiences etched in my journal that caused heartache and longing were part of my journey.  The journey of self-growth that continues today.  The quest to become the best version of myself that I can. 

This opportunity is kind of amazing if you stop and think about it for a moment.  Some of us long to go back in time and become that old version of ourselves, but what we miss is that we have an opportunity every day to use the experiences we’ve gone through and rediscover ourselves.  Every day we have the opportunity to become better versions of us. 

Don’t sell yourself short by yearning for the past.  Learn from the past and use it to grow into a better version of the current you.  You might find that you discover who you are and who you can be through the journey.  Be Here.  Be You.
An oldie but goodie of me and Baker

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